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Miss Misanthropist

Writing With Myself

Is It Misogyny Or Is She A Cocktease?

Random, Sexism, The Male GazeMonica EdwardsComment

As people know I get sent a lot of things to read. Which I do. A while back I was sent a blog post where a woman alleges that she could have slept with Billy Idol. As a fan of Billy Idol I was intrigued by this and read it, so obviously the person sending it to me knew I'd be interested. Except, the story quickly went from admirable groupie who wants to have sex with Billy Idol into some tale about how he TOTALLY tried to take advantage of her, this that and the other. The problem in all of this is that examining her behavior she completely led him on. That is, if any of this is true. Which I can't really tell. It doesn't seem like the most fanatical or obnoxious story it very well could be true. It is also told from her point of view so I'm sure there are details changed or left out and she also alleges that it happened in 2009 or so. Still, there's a reason for me to talk about this. 

If the story happened, didn't happen, or it's a combination of lies and truth I wanted to examine her behavior (which she doesn't seem to examine at all herself) and the potential behavior of the man she's encountering. The reason I'm doing this is to show how some women allegedly behave and then the audacity they have to get upset with a man for returning their advances. I think it's a very good blog post to use in order to make a case for women, men, and whatever the hell is wrong with society these days. At the end of the day this woman is semi-famous for something so if the story is true or not, she wants people to think it's true and she told it in an attempt to get attention from people. She also told the story in order to be validated that she was in the right and Billy Idol was the misogynist asshole. So, lets disregard if there's any truth or not to this and just pretend it's all true. 

We can start with this part, from her own post: 

As I’m in the shower washing my hair, I decide that I will meet Billy Idol tonight. I have been working on my manifesting skills and have been successful at creating several things in my life.

I believe, without a shadow of a doubt, that I will meet him at the show tonight.

To be honest with you, I don’t even know why I want this to happen so badly. I have never been a huge fan (I mean, I liked his music growing up, but I didn’t buy his albums and I didn’t have his posters lining my locker door) and so I don’t even consider what I will say to him when we indeed meet.

Nevertheless, I decide that I will meet him. As I lather up my hair, I picture him on stage singing away and then, catching me out of the corner of his eye, I see him come over and sing directly to me. I feel the butterflies in my stomach as he looks right at me. I see the sweat on his face, the intensity in his eyes and that signature curled-up lip.

So this is pre-show and she's very dead set on meeting him. She doesn't know why she wants to meet him cause she never really was a huge fan but she's claiming that she's driven to meet the guy and wants to get noticed. She goes on to talk about how she behaved at the concert trying to get the attention of someone so that she would be noticed. 

I keep waiting for Billy to notice me. I keep staring at him, willing him to look my way. I stare so intently that if he did look over, he’d probably think I was crazy. It doesn’t happen but I’m having a great time singing along and dancing to his most popular tunes.

Then it leads into a part about how some woman notices her and her friends and takes them off to talk to them and asks if they want to meet the band and meet Billy to which she enthusiastically says that she wants to meet him. She rambles on about this woman and that her friends' pictures were taken, this that and the other. She claims she doesn't know why her picture was taken or what this was for and seems to have no idea what was going to happen here. 

Now, I've never personally been a groupie, cause I'm not into that stuff. Actually, it's more that I've never been so into a singer I really wanted to go to a concert to sleep just with that singer. However, I do know the basics of how groupie situations work and that the majority of the time girls who are "cute" or whatever get picked out to meet people in the band. As far as I was aware, this was common knowledge to basically everyone who knows anything about rock n roll. Maybe it isn't? But seeing as how I've never even tried to sleep with a guy in a band and I know this myself, I would think that other people would be aware of what was going on when they were pulled away by a woman to have their picture taken. Like that they were being selected so they could be picked out later. Or maybe this woman is just exceedingly stupid? Something. It's weird to me. 

We all talk and hang out, and the red-head and her man are all over each other at the bar. After a while, she pulls me aside and says “Billy likes you. I can tell”. I respond that I am flattered that she thinks so, but that it is ridiculous because he doesn’t even know me. She continues. “You have an opportunity here. A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Don’t pass this up.”

I decide to be straight with her. I tell her that there is no way I am sleeping with Billy. I remind her that we have only just met and that I am not going to sleep with him just because he is famous. I tell her that Billy should really try to pursue other options. I even start pointing out other girls at the bar suggesting she talk to them; to take their pictures to show him and see if they’ll do.

She tries to sweet-talk me; “No, no, it’s not like that! That’s not what this is! Billy really likes you, I can tell.” It is at this point that Toast comes over to join the conversation. Billy is just kind of hanging off to the side as his posse tries to work this deal. I’m on to them and I’m not biting, but they don’t fully understand that yet. Their tactics have worked on so many girls at so many concerts that they truly believe it is just a matter of time before they wear me down.

This is where she gets into this situation of talking about this woman trying to pressure her into sleeping with him and she also says that Billy's bodyguard pressured her and she's like very insistent already that she's not going to sleep with him. Except, her behavior up to this point was the behavior of a woman who wants to sleep with Billy Idol. I mean, I am leaving a lot out but she's truly acting like she wants to sleep with this guy and then she finally gets to the moment where it's probably going to happen and she's like "No wait never mind". This isn't a situation of her just being at a random party and people are obnoxiously pressuring her to do something out of the blue. This is a situation she put herself into out of desperation (by her own admission) to meet Billy Idol for...some reason and she doesn't know why. 

She ends up in his room with him and she's already of the mind that she's not going to sleep with him, despite her totally opposite behavior the rest of the night where all she seemingly wants to do is get noticed by him. Now, someone like Billy Idol with a reputation like Billy Idol is obviously only interested in this girl who desperately wanted to be noticed for one reason. He really has no other avenue of thought to process about her, why she's there, and why she tried to get backstage to meet him. She decides she's just going to talk to him, at one point mentioning that she is just going to tell him she's not really a fan so he wouldn't be interested. Which negates her whole process of trying to meet him in the first place for...some reason. If she wasn't really a fan then what was this drive to meet him other than to try to have a sexual encounter? Maybe I just think of things differently because I'm a fan but...still...I'm not really sure what the hell her thought process is. It all leads up to this moment (allegedly): 

And then all of a sudden, it happens. I have no warning (not that this whole situation hasn’t been warning enough), but he leans right over me and pushes my hair out of the way to kiss my neck. I feel his hands go under my shirt and up over my breasts. His hands are soft but strong and he smells so good and it’s “Billy fu@*ing Idol”. I gently push him away.

“I’m really sorry, Billy.” I somehow feel the need to apologize. “I tried to tell you earlier that this wasn’t going to happen. I’m really sorry.”

He gets up. I stand up. He walks over to the door and nods his head toward it. He turns the knob to open it, and, without looking at me, simply says, “Get out”.

I repeat “I’m really sorry…where is my girlfriend?” He laughs a deep, smoker’s laugh and says, “Like hell I’m going to ruin their night, too!” and he shuts the door in my face.

Of course, now she's all upset and seems to have no idea why he's upset and thinks he was really rude to her. She tries to text her friends and even talks about how she wants to call her parents and tell them she's so proud of herself because she didn't sleep with him. This is on a whole other level of crap. Part of this story is about how she worked so hard to get sober and past drunk her would have totally slept with him and whatever but the new sober and intelligent strong her won't do it because...reasons. Then she goes on to try to plug her book which seems to be about living and eating healthy and tries to justify the entire post as "No seriously though I think even MORE of him now and I like his music MORE now" or something. 

Though, as I said, the story isn't overly fantasic so I could believe it did happen but if it did happen and exactly the way she claims, what was the point of any of it and how is she unaware of why her behavior led to the moments it led to? Also, for someone allegedly so strong and smart while sober she sure let it get really really far before walking away. It seems that there was a clear point that she knew that this was where it was going. Even before she got to his room and he was offering her a drink. There were windows of time for her to say "fuck this I'm out" and yet she kept going forward with it. That's another thing that doesn't make sense. 

If you read down into the comments, you will find people blaming this all on BIlly like he was the problem here when in reality she was the one who led him on, entirely, or at least that's how I'm reading into it right now. I guess people would claim that I'm jealous, or something, but had she actually slept with him that would have been the more appropriate outcome of the story she told and I think it would have made for a better story. Sleeping with Billy Idol is a far better story than being a cocktease and then getting upset when he gets upset. Hell, in his own book he talks a lot about girls that he slept with and I'm certainly not upset with them. Jealous, okay yeah but not in a vindictive petty way. I think it's great that these fans that did actually sleep with him got to sleep with him cause that's what they wanted and I think no less of them for it. I think less of her because she's the problem in this situation but she tries to make it about him. 

So then you will find a bunch of comments validating her down in the bottom of the post and how great she is for being totally sober and strong and awesome and she laps them up like a starving animal (click to enlarge):

Then we get to a point where a woman confronts her about "what the hell was the point of telling this story anyway" and Sarah accuses her of being an angry fan to which she says she isn't and then some white knight comes along to accuse Billy of "objectifying women" and defend Sarah. 

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Now, I agree, maybe it's because I'm a fan of Billy Idol that this annoyed me so much, maybe I'm biased but as I also said, I have no problem with women who tell stories of actually sleeping with him, I have no problem with the idea that he's slept with a lot of groupies, I have no jealousy towards women who he's actually dated and I'm certainly not jealous of a woman who used some crap story like this to try to promote some book she wrote about healthy living and sobriety. Say whatever you want about my supposed mentality on this but what I will say is, it has less to do with my love of Billy and far more to do with me noticing a woman's shitty behavior and trying to blame it all on the man, when she very clearly led him on and was trying to get something out of him, only to play stupid once he gave it to her. Now, this is one example of I'm sure many and this has to happen to men all the time (famous or not). This one is just a higher level of stupid because it's about a celebrity (and it's easier to find). 

If you ask me, there was no other way Billy was supposed to respond or could have responded. This is a situtation that he's clearly used to and had become used to over his career. Woman goes and gets groupies, he chooses one, he sleeps with them. End of story. This is basically his entire freaking life starting from the 80s. He ultimately didn't sleep with her or try to do much more with her when she told him no, so it's not like he's some type of asshole rapist but at the same time, what was he suppoesd to think and what did she expect? This is a very irritating story and a good glimpse into society. How quickly they will dismiss the man and what he possibly could have been thinking (other than "HURR DURR I'M A MAN AND I CAN FUCK WHO I WANT") and turns it into well, him being the problem all along when she was the one who went out of her fucking way to try to sleep with him, only to change her mind right when it was about to happen. I don't know, I find her behavior FAR more irritating than anything he did and so I wanted to say something. She screens comments on her blog, I already tried to ask her about this myself but it's obvious that she's cherrypicking who to respond to and the only person who contradicted her to get through was this Jennifer woman. There's no doubt in my mind MORE people asked her "WTF is your problem" but she decided not to let the comments through because what she wants is to appear validated by her shitty, and obviously cockteasing behavior. If you want to read the full story, it's here, but it's ultimately a huge let down and really only a promotion for some book she wrote.