In the past year I've gone into debt thousands because insurance won't cover my oral surgeries. They call them cosmetic. Huh. I was unaware wanting teeth for the purposes of eating was cosmetic and not a physical function of the body. Whatever so there's that.
Then in the past 4 days lets look at what has happened:
- Dog started dying
- Dog died
- Roommate won't shut the fuck up about how much money I owe him so I downgrade my phone to something that basically isn't even a phone
- Have to sell my iWatch because I don't have a phone to sync it with any more, awesome.
- Probably going to end up selling my PS3 and most of my games
- Might have to sell my PS4 so that was fun
- Probably could pawn this ring I don't want to pawn for $70 bucks if I'm lucky
What's my point? You ever find yourself in a hole and well you can't DIG UP to get out of it? That's where I am. I hate where I live, I have nothing. No house, no car, no job (even though I'm currently lined up for interviews for three of them). Even if I get those jobs they aren't good jobs at least not something that can help me move out.
Hate where I live. Hate my roommates. Hate this damn city. My boyfriend is in another country which I can't even afford to fly to even if it was a one way ticket.
My dog is a fucking security risk that keeps on attacking other dogs. That's just awesome. Now he has to be watched like a fucking hawk. I have one good cat who is good and one bad cat who destroys 800 dollar phones and only stops attacking me long enough to attack the other cat. I twisted my knee tackling my idiot dog the other day to stop him from killing a dog. I'm in pain. New diagnosis of endometriosis and treatment comes down to "pain management". Not sleeping either. Not nearly enough and when I do it's all nightmares because stress isn't good for someone who has PTSD and OCD. Not to mention what it's doing to my stomach.
There is no lack of me trying to get out of my current situation. The job market is shit we all know that. They are going to cut off what little tiny benefits I had which weren't even covering my bills in the first place, as I mentioned I go into the red each month on the first of every month. Credit card companies some how think charging me 100 more dollars as a late fee (even if I pay the fucking bill) will mean I magically just have 100 more dollars to some how pay them making things even worse. I'm pretty sure the one company I'm involved with has a nice scam going to ensure NO one pays bills on time so they are instantly assigned a late fee. One credit card company made an error and blamed it on me so I had to pay them extra money even after I proved to them it was THEIR fault.
So basically my life is shit, everything is shit. Not sure why I keep getting up in the morning or why anything makes me believe there will be a change to this. Supposed to be writing a screenplay but YAY WRITERS BLOCK so that's not going to happen. Even if it DID happen there's only a 5% chance I could sell it, I wouldn't make much money, and basically all the profit from that would do is help me break even so I am not in the red any more.
I have literally nothing. This is my life. Why the FUCK is there a reason for me to try and do anything? And yet I still do. Despite all of this I still get out of fucking bed, I still try to get a job, I still TRY to make my life better. I don't want to die, I know I don't want that shit but I REALLY don't want to keep living in this shit hole that is called my life. So that being said. If you wanna buy any crap from me that I own it's going insanely cheap at the moment. I got a PS3 I got a ring that is 925 Sterling Silver (that's the really good kind but the ring is small so t's not worth much). I can write, I can do videos for you, I can call you on the phone and be your friend for 5 bucks. I don't know. I need goddamn money and I need to get out of this fucking house and this fucking city. Any thoughts? Cause I'm all out of them.
PS: Yeah I realize I'm lucky to be in a house, and have a phone even if one can BARELY call it that. I'm not fucking stupid. However, what I am not LUCKY for is literally EVERY GODDAMN THING ELSE I listed. You realize I'm one step away from being homeless right? ONE FUCKING STEP. In a few months I'll be lucky if I can even pay the insanely low rent where I live anyway. This is the END of the line before HOMELESS. So my life fucking sucks and yes I may be in a house now...who Goddamn knows what it'll be in 4 months. Don't tell me to count my blessings when I can fit them all on one hand.