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Miss Misanthropist

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Useless Tumblr Psychology Is Useless

Tumblr, Social MediaMonica Edwards1 Comment

I found this post on Tumblr..."More Tips For Dating Someone With Anxiety" by some 16 year old on tumblr I'm sure. Quite possibly one of those "made up this post for notes" blogs but they also don't have their ask open. Probably "triggers" them to get questions. Anyway I came across this post and as someone who has GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and is in a relationship. This is basically a DO NOT DO THIS EVER checklist and this also shouldn't be anything anyone does for someone with anxiety. Here I present her weird checklist and explain WHY all of this is just a pretty shit idea to do to anyone. Partner/friend/sibling...whoever it applies to.

•Reassure them constantly. (This may be annoying but they will be thankful.)

No this would get utterly fucking annoying also how would I ever learn to trust myself or have confidence if I constantly rely on other people to tell me everything is okay? I can't deny that it's helpful but I'd prefer to develop these feelings on my own or at least learn how to reassure myself so I am not dependent on anyone else. That can become a HUGE burden and in turn cause your partner anxiety.

•Keep them in the loop of your life. (This means share plans with them. It will keep them at ease.)

Well isn't this what anyone does with any of their partners? Or do you mean to a really creepy stalker level degree where they know every time you take a shit? Cause that would just be annoying. I can't speak for EVERYONE with anxiety but I know from my own experience and a lot of other people who have anxiety sometimes we really just need to be alone. I don't CONSTANTLY need you telling me what you are doing or where you are going. There needs to be some level of trust between two people in a relationship. I don't need to be constantly informed of everything.

•Text them when you are on our way, or when you get home. (This may seem obnoxious but their brain will thank you.)

I swear to God if my partner constantly texted me little updates about this shit I'd be annoyed as fuck. Yes I get it, it's good to know, and on occasion I let people know when I'm headed home or I get somewhere but I don't always do this. Nor do I need other people to do this for me. Who is so much on edge all the time that they are constantly assuming their loved ones have died in a freak accident? If this is something you need to always be updated of cause of anxiety then fix your anxiety don't box your partner into reassuring you.

•Hugs. (After anxious days something as little as a hug can make things better.)

THIS ONE DOESN'T APPLY TO EVERYONE. I fucking hate hugs if they are random or whatever. This isn't even a good tip. A lot of people with anxiety have it for various reasons some of which have to do with not wanting to be touched (people with OCD for instance) still love how she's trying to speak for everyone though without even considering that everyone with anxiety is very different.

•Triggers. Identify them. (This one will be hard. Once you figure out what makes them anxious it will help you to make them feel safe.)

No fuck you tumblr and your stupid fucking triggers. It's not the world's job to censor itself, it's the person with triggers to learn to cope. I had triggers I still have them and you know what I do? I learn to COPE with them. I learn the skills in order to prevent panic or barring that, deal with panic once I have it. The reason your partner shouldn't coddle you to this level is because THEY are not the problem the WORLD is not the problem, its YOUR problem. The end. Yes okay I get it. I get explaining to your partner your triggers IF they ask but your partner shouldn't ever feel obligated to censor themselves or whatever the fuck cause of a problem YOU have. This is a problem YOU need to fix not blame your partner for or control them with.

•No surprises unless you know it will make them happy. (Surprises can be hard to handle for anxious people. It will depend on their anxiety level.)

Seriously if fucking surprises send you into a panic attack even good ones...get fucking help. Therapy, medication, a straight jacket. Holy fuck this is just...are people REALLY this bad?

•Change is hard. (Try to limit major changes in your relationship if possible. Things will change but be ready to help your partner through it.)

Change is hard yes even for people WITHOUT Anxiety. Guess what, things change, people change, life changes. LEARN TO DEAL WITH IT not hide in some dark room on your blog like a fucking hermit. Seriously just GROW up. Chances are if your anxious partner is having problems with change you are as well. Everyone to some degree has problems with change.

•Be there. Just be there. (As complex as an anxiety disorder can get the best thing you can do is be there and let them know you care.)

Yeah everyone should just do this for everyone this isn't even specifically for anxious people. If you are in a relationship be there for your partner, listen to them, and end of story. You don't need a fucking checklist for this. Further more this insinuates that people without anxiety don't need their partner to be there. What the hell?

Tumblr has this bizarre way of making up tip lists and tricks and whatever for people with mental illnesses or psychological problems. It's kind of like the other list of "symptoms" of disorders with such a wide range of symptoms that literally anyone reading it could self diagnose as that thing. Lists like these are either written by teenage girls and only apply specifically to themselves OR they are written by people who have no idea about actual psychology. This is annoying on SO many levels because this information, or should I say MISINFORMATION gets spread around like it's true for everyone when it's not. Even in her own stupid list she says anxiety is different for everyone but she has this list as if it applies to everyone with anxiety.

Tumblr is full of 15-22 year old girls who heard the word trigger and think they have a million of them. They are people who think being nervous in situations you should be nervous in is a disorder. Tumblr has done more to ruin mental health and people's perception of it in 5 years than basically all of history. The progress people were working for was all torn down with useless self help blogs, tumblr declaring self diagnosis is MORE Valid than a real one, and people who try to speak for everyone but have no concept of psychology. Now, I do have an education in psychology and I'm not an expert.

Above it all as I've said MANY MANY times anxiety is different for EVERYONE but no matter the cause or trigger or whatever the BEST THING YOU CAN DO FOR ANXIETY IS FIND A WAY TO COPE WITH IT. Asking the entire world to cater to you so you don't have to confront it or you are never at risk to have a panic attack IS NOT HELPING YOU. The most common and BEST advice to learning to dealing with anxiety is to FEEL ANXIETY so you can learn how to GET RID OF IT. Expecting people to coddle the fuck out of you is only going to make your anxiety worse and cripple you in the long run.